I am not a griping expat. There are such folks, I am not one and I generally seek other company than those who perpetually gripe about India.
Today I need to gripe about India for a second.
I worked out in the gym this morning.
Decided to go out for a cup of coffee after.
My usual place, My Caffee Latte, was closed. To see a coffee shop closed at 8:30 will always feel a bit unusual, but we are more or less used to that. India gets going at a different time than the US does. The idea of the coffee-makers getting things ready before I want a cup is way behind me. You have to play it by ear and find out which place is open on a given morning.
I'll tell you how I learned that lesson.
One time in the autumn of 2007, I walked to Barista Creme Coffee House from our home in Jubilee Hills at about 7:15. Wanted a cup of coffee. When I got there, I walked in and found two guy asleep behind the counter. The lights were on, the door was open, a few devices were turned on and I think there might have been some coffee brewing somewhere. But these guys apparently couldn't sustain the effort and sacked out behind the cash register. I laughed a little, finding this both odd and amusing. A first lesson.
Cut 19 months forward. I went to the same place today. Barista has been purchased in India by Lavazza Coffee, an Italian company. I was curious to see what had changed.
The place was cleaner. The walls which were badly gouged in the past were replaced by faux wood paneling. It looked nice. I ordered an almond muffin and a latte.
I sat there, and waited.
I watched the news for a while on the TV above my table. Then I realized I wanted to watch a Bollywood music video. They're colorful, fun and the music is something I have acquired an appreciation for.
I called my waitress over and asked her to turn on Bollywood music videos and to turn the sound up. She smiled in that way that told me she had no idea what I had said. So, I spoke in Hindi. Nothing. Fair enough, we are in Andhra and the language here is Telugu.
I called a second guy over. Asked for Bollywood music videos and more sound - in Hindi. He said ok.
Five minutes passed.
Got out of my seat and found a third person. Asked for the same, again in Hindi. Smiled and said "Ok, sir."
Five more minutes.
Yet another guy and another affirmative response. That was four requests.
A tangent - you may ask how could I have found so many people in a coffee shop? Well, in India each place of business like a coffee shop has approximately ten employees at any given time. I think they have titles like Senior-Leader-Who-Points-At-What-To-Do and Low-Caste-Woman-Who-Wipes-Things-With-Water and a large number of people in between who may have the title of Apron-Wearer-Who-Answers-Yes-To-Everything.
I worked my way around the staff, all of whom said I could see my videos. Until I got to the senior guy. I figured him to be someone with whom I could speak English. He heard my request and said, "We no longer have permission to play music on these televisions."
Another change by Lavazza. So be it. No issue.
But *why* do I get a "yes" when the answer is "no". Many people here in India will say yes simply to end a discussion that needed a "no". Don't they get that we'll keep asking until it happens, or we get the right answer?
You may ask how other Indian people deal with this same phenomenon. I have seen it a few times. They simply lay into the person who is saying "yes" when they need to say "no". They really lay into them, even belittling them.
It's this environment which has changed us as a family - to be vastly more assertive and perhaps a little less polite. It's a shame, but it's a survival technique.
Last few observations. The guy that told me "no" actually evoked admiration in me. I appreciated his ability to answer me honestly. What is an expectation in the US is sometimes a luxury in India. This sometimes includes a direct answer. I wanted to shake his hand. I thanked him with a smile.
I think part of getting older and wiser is realizing that much of what you fret about simply isn't worth worrying about, that sometimes your anger is amusing, and as I get older I start to see those amusing attributes during the situation instead of a month later.
So, it was with a certain amount of amusement that I watched myself get worked up over not being able to see a Bollywood video.
Deep in the recesses of my mind, the American part of me didn't really feel right asking for it in the first place.
Had my muffin and coffe and left.
Then, I got to work and wanted to have a small bite of food. Like a hobbit, I have "Second Breakfast" some days. I eat very large breakfasts, it's part of what has allowed me to eat better and get in better shape.
To buy our meals at work, we use Bank-funded debit cards in our facility. The Bank pays for the employee's food, essentially. So, I went to buy my breakfast. The Guy-At-The-Debit-Machine told me that his debit machine wouldn't work and that I needed to go to the juice counter and have my card "loaded" with this pay period's funding.
So, I proceeded to the juice counter.
The Guy-At-The-Juice-Counter was standing there fiddling with the wires of his debit machine. I had no ability to pay for my breakfast. So, I walked back over to the first guy and gently let him have it. Speaking Hindi, I explained I simply wanted my breakfast and didn't have time for this. He explained that my debit card's funds wouldn't be loaded until 10 am.
Why didn't he say that in the first place??
I asked why food was put out an hour before I could pay for it. He smiled and shook his head in affirmation as if to agree with me that the system made no sense.
A "yes" when I needed a "no". I was angry.
In the end, I got my food and proceeded to start my day. They gave it to me for free.
Anyone who knows us and/or reads this blog knows we love living in India. I personally really love it and am having the time of my life. But some days - here's the best way to say it.... if India were a chicken I'd snap its neck. It can be a very frustrating place.
Thanks for letting me rant.
All done.
