Lessons of an American Family in India

The blog entries have been somewhat superficial lately, so I wanted to make sure that I took some time to write something of substance. Work is blazing at a million miles an hour, and FaceBook has started to infringe on my internet schedule. So, I have not given the blog as much time as I should.

This is an attempt to write something meaningful.

We have a little less than six months left on the assignment, and it is time to start reflecting backwards on what has been learned and experienced here. As always, I am the one member of the family who writes on the blog with any regularity (and I am the busiest!), so this essay will largely be made of my own reflections. But they also include a good bit of information based upon Tara sharing her ideas with me, and our collective observations about our sons.

For this essay, I will deal with the question – How has this experience changed us as Americans?

The quick answer is that it has changed things tremendously for us. On the other hand, it has driven deeper other parts of our American-ness. For sure, nothing will ever be the same.

First, the context.

* Growing up as an American, you do get instilled with the idea that you are different.

* In some ways, you get a sense of a certain superiority about being an American.

* It is an almost universal trait of Americans that we are authentically proud of our country.

I think we would be included in these categories. To exempt ourselves from these definitions, even the uncomfortable one related to the feeling of American superiority, would leave the assessment lacking. So, let’s get it on the table. Tara and I were raised like most Americans. We are raising three Americans. We carry the artifacts of that upbringing and that cultural immersion.

Many have told us that we're not like most Americans. We know what they mean, and we take that as a compliment of sorts. Still - we are Americans at the end of the day.

So, what have we learned as Americans?

Well, living in another culture reiterates daily the one theme that we Americans wrestle with – that people are people and that we are all fundamentally the same. Be they brown, black, white, rich, poor, educated, uneducated, or any other “type” of person, people are fundamentally the same in their desire for love and community. In fact, this experience has taught us that even in cultures as widely different as America and India, our shared humanity comes out very visibly. People are people, we see it day in and day out. We now know this in a personal and direct way. It is no longer a theory - the world is actually filled with people that are basically like us!

Sure, before this experience it sounded good to say that all of humanity is fundamentally the same. Saying such a thing made you sound broad-minded. But deep down we Americans still carry the belief that we are different and many of us breathe a private sigh of relief that the rest of the world is kept at arm’s length.

This experience has driven home that people are, in point of fact, people. Simple as that.

It’s funny that it takes an experience as radical as this to impart an idea that is so simple!

But, on the other hand…..

It would be wrong to say India and the US are indistinguishable. There are some vast cultural differences. I’ll start with the most obvious example. And this one must be said in the most clear terms possible……

India is an absolutely filthy country.

Not just a small issue with sanitation here and there. The whole country is dirty. Sure, you can pull back from it and find yourself in beautiful surroundings, but the general reality is that the people of this land treat their surroundings like garbage, and consequently it looks.... well, like garbage. There are wild dogs everywhere, rats the size of small dogs, human waste spread to and fro, garbage strewn on the streets, and people digging through each and every garbage dumpster, of which there are very few. It’s really astounding, and it's the one thing those of us from outside of India comment on – “It’s so dirty”.

Secondly, there is a general tendency toward discourteous behavior in the public sphere of India. People peeing on the side of the road, everyone spitting, men walking in front of women through doorways, children defecating on the streets, people entering an elevator before you have exited it, police brow-beating the weak and unwary, people breaking the queue.... the list goes on and on.

The general cleanliness of America is a wonderful thing. Generally, we Americans are a clean and courteous people. We have a general sense of our surroundings being important. We think of our public spaces as something that we all own instead of a place that no one owns. We generally believe that we should not do to someone else’s property what we would not want done to our own. For the most part, we think that a sign of a good man is that he seeks to make the life of a woman more comfortable than his own. And we authentically stand in line behind each other. That alone is a huge difference!

Honestly, it takes just a few minutes when you enter either country to notice these differences.

On the other hand....

India is a place where people have a certain sense of tolerance that is uncommon in the US. People here generally are quick to smile, and there is a great sense of humor in India. Life here is not about running a million miles an hour until you are depressed and unhealthy. For many people, life is unraveled in such a way that allows them to go through their days at a more survivable pace, even an enjoyable one. Life is good here in some important ways. Yes, many people are deeply poor. Yes, there is graft and corruption in so many aspects of life here. But, despite this, India is a place that makes you smile a lot.

In the US now, there is a bit of an increasing trend of tension. You see it with people who seek the material until they almost drop from exhaustion and are left very sad by the emptiness of the endeavor. The ongoing rat race is one that is unhealthy for all who participate in it at the expense of their heart and mind. India doesn’t have this in exactly the same way, although that may change over time. That would be sad to see India become more like America in this sense.

And....

India has never attacked a neighboring country. Sure, India has been invaded again and again. But it has not returned the favor. This is exceptional. How many countries can say that?

The US, on the other hand, has not always been a good neighbor. We can, in reality, be a bit of a bully at times.

That's a big difference.

So....

This essay could be a lengthy exercise in going back and forth about the good and bad points of each nation. Both nations have considerable merits, and many of those are similarities. Both nations also have considerable drawbacks, many of which are, again, similarities. Other things are complete opposites. And that lesson alone gets to the heart of the thing we have learned. Life is a wonderful, jumbled, mixed up set of circumstances. And India and America have both managed to create something wonderful from this.

The point...

~ Is America the only game in town? No.

~ Are Americans superior? No. We’re pretty much the same as everyone else in all the ways that are important. In other ways, we are distinct, and when those distinctions are good things, we should feel happy about that.

~ Is America the best game in town? In some ways, sure. In other ways, definitely not.

~ Is the world changing rapidly underneath all of us? Yes.

~ Will America need to open itself up to the rest of the world if it is to flourish and survive in this more integrated world? Surely.

~ Is that opening up likely to happen? Not sure. For five of us, it has happened. And that will certainly make all the difference.

The best we can hope for, humbly, is that we will go back to America and be used to spread some of the beauty that we discovered while here in India - which is such an unlikely place to have found so much beauty.....