These expats.....

Yesterday's picture is a nice one and has prompted me to write a little bit about the people we have met since arriving in India.

First, we have made friends pretty quickly. When so many people travel into a different land, there is general sense that "we are in this together" and everyone is very open and friendly. I think a facet of this is also the kind of people that are expats - generally an open and interesting crowd. We probably have an affinity for each other because it takes a certain kind of person to live in a place so very from their land of birth. If we are all crazy or not is your decision.... 8)

There are other families that arrived when we did. With kids starting school being a priority, August is the time that many families arrive. Unless they go to the Indian schools, where school starts up in May. But most expats use the expat schools.... So, we know various families who are in the same boat as we are in terms of our newness.

Also, in kind, departures seem to happen all at once, in December or in June. These are the 18-month or __ year demarcation point, so people leave in groups. It is a bit of a sad time, we can tell this. The friendships we have established are not so deep that we have felt profound sadness at any departures, but there is a yearning for more company from these new friends, so your heart can ache slightly even with only four months under your belt.

So, what kind of people are they? One of the first things you notice is that have a different sense of scale. You get a sense, being in India, that the neighborhood you are in is made up of Singapore to the East and Dubai to the West. Many folks have lived in either or both places before. Or done significant business there. Then, there is China. Same situation - many have lived there, many more visit. And they are in awe of what they see there. One friend said, "If they spoke English, they'd rule the world."

Then, there appears to be a close second tier of places - South Africa, Malaysia's Kuala Lumpur (called KL), Saudi, Philippines, Qatar.

Finally, there are those nations that are like our home nations in this new neighborhood - Australia and New Zealand, most visibly. They are the departure point for many of these folks.

For an American, even for a family like ours which had some sense of the larger world, it is a whole new reality to see the world from this perspective. The distance, culturally and geographically, from Charlotte to Connecticut seemed large a mere ten years ago. Now they seem co-located and largely the same in terms of culture. The world does tend to broaden one's perspective. And, honestly, it feels great!

The expats also seem to have a high degree of tolerance for the craziness of a place like India. While there are some that gripe and moan, you generally figure out who they are and seek not to get their illness. Most of the folks we have gravitated to are generally upbeat, or working hard to get there.

Also, the community itself does have the ever-present "small world" thing. Our friend John stated that he is sure he has met Jo's mother back in Britain (he and Jo met here). Jo and Matt just moved here from Westport, Ct. And Krishnan and Indu lived in Charlotte with us, we did not know them. Small world....

Additionally, there is a dual reality that comes from being white here. First, you get treated with deference that you are not due, and I have found people staring at me with a sense of admiration that has surprised me. You actually feel some people's eyes telling you that you are beautiful. If you let it, you could become arrogant and get a wrong sense of yourself.

The second dimension is it is hard to get stared at as often as we do. We can no longer blend in and go for a stroll. All eyes seem to follow us. It is a source of issues for Liam, being hideously 13 and all. ;-)

On the other hand, you forget sometimes where you are from. As an example, as mentioned in a prior blog entry, we attended an elegant Thanksgiving affair at our friends' home. At one point Tara went down to look in on the boys, who were watching a movie with a group of other kids late into the night. The room she went into was dark, so she thought "Ok, I'll have to spend some time finding them." Then she realized they were the one's glowing in the dark - the only white kids in the room! We were not taking note of the fact that, with the exception of our friend Linda (Canadian), we were the only white people at the party. I think all of that *stuff* we were taught in the US had dried up and we were just with other people. And isn't this how it should be?

We laughed about this thing with the kids later.

Additionally, some of these folks find a new home to their liking in a land far away. Our friends John and Nia have a home in Wales and South Africa (they are from the UK) and will retire to South Africa. Another example, there is a British couple who has been doing the expat thing for more than twenty years - and they have raised their kids out of the UK almost the whole time. They said their son is looking at colleges in a variety of countries. That was mind blowing to us. Finally, Mark and Sonali have daughters who have been raised outside of the UK. They have one daughter who identifies herself as Malaysian because she was raised there so much of the time. Imagine your children having a different national identity than you.

Wow.

A big community of expats here are Indian folks who have lived in the US for many years, 15 to 20 years. They have a foot in both worlds and are thus better equipped than anyone else to manage life here in India. They see India through a different lens by virtue of their exposure to US life. So, they often have a wry smile and words of advice that start with "That's how it works here....."

One guy we know moved from Bombay when he was 4. To South Dakota! His dad was a doctor and thought it would be easier to come to the US if he offered to be a doctor in this state. Again, wow. This guy, David, has raised his three kids in Seattle with his Canadian wife, Linda, up until this expat tour of duty.

Here, Britain is called "the UK" and America is called "the US" or "the States". Our terms have been altered. Small thing I have noticed. When people ask where I am from, my impulse is to say "America". But I now say "the US". It is even creeping into conversations between me and Tara and the kids say it, too.

Another small thing - not many Americans out here. It seems Europeans are far more open to this. And Aussies are everywhere, but I learned this years ago while backpacking in Europe.

Tara is the one who is truly experiencing India. She cannot step into an office or a school, thus she will leave here at the end with the most savvy about how India works and how to work in it. She is truly incredible. Recently, she mentioned to me, "You realize I spend most of my day in the sole company of a Muslim man?" How many American women can say this?

Yes dear, I had noticed.

Reader - He's our driver, if you didn't get it.

For the kids - Liam seems to acknowledge begrudgingly that this is a cool experience. Aidan is drinking it in. Jonah likes it, but appears not to fully comprehend it. This results from the fact everything is new - why would India be so exceptional when his first memory of seeing a zebra is only from two years back?


Overall, we have met people here that are fantastic, open, fun, smart, interesting, engaging, hilarious, and many other things. Very few colorless souls out here in The World!

We feel very fortunate to be having this experience. What a very good decision this was.....