A house divided

Being in India means being away from the ugly and divisive nature that has become part of American life. The below letter is going around the web. The frustration it reflects is real, and it is actually pretty well-done. It is a very clever essay. And I know exactly where the frustration is coming from!

With that said - I wonder if it is only partially in jest?

America is an exceptional country with many people who are passionate about their respective beliefs. There is ample room for a variety of perspectives in the US. At least I hope so....

We hear from just about everyone across the political spectrum, and it has become a bit frightening how intolerant they have become of "the other half" of America. This impulse absolutely cuts both ways.

This e.mail reflects the haughty and condescending nature of one half of America about the other half. Trust me, it is equally vitriolic from the right.

Do people in modern America really have a desire to live in a place where everyone agrees with them? Do people wish for perpetual one-party rule in our government? If so, I would invite half of them to live in North Korea and the other half to live in Zimbabwe and see how they like it.

Americans - You live in a country that has the good will to spill our own blood so that we could throw open the doors of concentration camps when the rest of the world stood by, a country that puts our people and soldiers in harms way to rescue and feed those who are self-declared to be our enemies, a country that has the unequaled ability to self-correct its sins so that a mere century and a half after slaves walked off of their plantations, a short blink in the span of history, a man with an African father (a man who was also raised by one of the "single mothers" spoken of so scathingly below) may potentially occupy the highest office of the land.

You live in a wonderful country that, while vastly off the mark in being a perfect country, is worth preserving..... and correcting. It's certainly not worth dividing.

Signed,

Someone born in a blue state who moved to a red state and has a diminishing desire to return to the company of divisive and condescending jerks.


*Non Americans - For background, on our election nights, we show maps of which states went to the Republicans (red) and which went to Democrats (blue).

_________


Dear Red States:

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.


To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share. Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home.


We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire. With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.


Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,

Blue States